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Why Slipknot Sucks

January 18, 2008 in "Rant" by Kyle Brady [Shortened URL]
Tags: Metal

[Someone asked me to explain to them, so they could tell a friend, why Slipknot is not metal, and why they do, in fact, suck. Here's my reply.]

“Reasons Why Slipknot Is Not Metal” (or, “The Story of Corey’s Love of Crows”):

1) Any band that has more than one drummer (ok, or “percussionist”) is obviously lacking talent. Unless you’re some sort of orchestral band. Which Slipknot is not.

2) Singing through masks. Yep, using microphones through little mouth slits really helps make the sound a whole lot better.

3) Downtuning your guitars does not make you metal. Or talented. I tune my guitar down to approximately the same tuning they use, but I’ve earned the right to do so. You don’t drop all your strings and just play open notes, chugging along hitting random strings. Learn to play, then decide what tuning you want.

4) Iowa? Fucking Iowa? Yeah, ok. If San Francisco was the birthplace of thrash, and pretty much all of metal… what is Iowa? The birthplace of cornfield piglovers who think Limp Bizkit is awesome?

5) Corey Taylor is decent. If you listen to Stone Sour, he does have talent, and can actually play what’s called “music”. Why he chooses to ignore this in Slipknot is beyond me. I’m pretty sure the masks are to hide his hideous face though. He looks like he has fucking Down Syndrome.

6) How many singers? How many guitarists? Uh huh? Really?

7) Most of Slipknot’s fans involve teenagers who paint themselves up like they’re in a Norwegian black metal band. You know who else’s fans did this? KISS. They were pretty metal, weren’t they? Space monsters are *so* heavy!

[eight]) Remember this thing called “nu metal” that involves rapping and metal at the same time? Let’s review. Limp Bizkit no longer exists. Only two members of Korn are still around (but somehow they’re still a band?). And the rockstars of the genre, Linkin Park, have given it up for a more radio-rock friendly sound. Why? Because it sucks, it was a terrible idea, and it was played out ad nauseam. Give it up like a virgin prom date, and disappear, please.

9) Any band who hides behind a massive stage set of puppets, fake blood, pyrotechnics, and other distractions really has no musical appeal whatsoever. Alice Cooper is Exhibit A. This does not include Judas Priest, Slayer, Metallica, or other bands who (again) have earned the right to do so.

10) Intelligence level? Let’s see… there’s an album titled “Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat”. Even Dimmu Borgir, one of the cheesiest black metal bands of all time who love to randomly name things, come up with better titles for albums and songs. And that includes “Puritannical Euphoric Misanthropia” and “Progenies of the Great Apocalypse”.

11) Metal is not a dictionary definition. But I’ll define it: “heavy, syncopated, and talented guitars (influenced by other genres and styles like Classical or Middle Eastern) combined with aggressive tempos, intricate and intense drumming, and aggressive vocals that breach dark, but highly intelligent and usually deep, material.” Does this sound AT ALL like Slipknot?

That’s about all I can come up with at the moment. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. Talk to anyone who listens to real metal, and tell them you love Slipknot… I bet they agree with you! And then stab you in the throat.

Edit (5/19/08): For a perfect example of how Slipknot fans have no idea what they’re talking about, and cannot produce any intelligent arguments besides “NUH UH!”, see Comment #3 below.

Andy

*lol* Nice one. I liked your thoughts but actually I still think Slipknot IS metal. They rock like but I guess u don't know that because u've avoided to see them live. It's terrific, it's intense. Much heaviert and smartet than a lot of stuff called "metal". But actually WHO cares how u define the sound of a band. Either you like them or not, that's what counts.. right?

Aaron

1. Joey Jordison is one of the best drummers in the world. The custom percussionists are just for special sounds, like hitting metal cans and making deeper drum sounds, dumb ass.
2. They record albums without their masks. DUMB ASS. That's why Corey sounds different a bit at concerts.
3. They downtune for the sound they want. And last time I checked...Since when did you have to earn the right to play music? DUMB ASS. And listen to their solos Mr. I've earned the right to make music.
4. Cornfield Piglovers? DUMB ASS. Who says you have to be like where you come from. Steriotypical ASS HOLE.
5. Corey's face is fine. They wear the masks so people will concentrate more on their music and not their appearences.
6. More guitarists = Better originality and sound. DUMB ASS.
7. That was such a retarded comparison I have no comback. Please refer to # 5
8. Who the hell are you to tell people what is and is NOT music? Oh no, we can't listen to what WE want. Please tell us why YOUR opinion is better than everyone elses.
9. Again, DUMB ASS. Maybe people who like to have lots of cool lights and sound and people jumping into the crowds. OHH NOOOO. I forgot. You didn't say that was OK.
10. Let us all recall...that was the first Slipknot album consisting of the original members. When Corey came in, I believe the titles became a lot more understandable. Thank you for using all the bad things to make yourself look like a ... wait for it ... DUMB ASS.
11. Heavy = SLIPKNOT, Syncopated = SLIPKNOT, they cay cuz, comin' and such, Talented Guitars = SLIPKNOT MICK AND JIM ARE AWESOME, combined with aggressive tempos, intricate and intense drumming, and aggressive vocals that breach dark, but highly intelligent and usually deep, material = THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE FUCKING SLIPKNOT DUMB ASSSSSSS!!!

idrian

well, in the end most of the bands that you mentioned have one thing in common with slipknot: heavy.

Leroy

Ok mister Aaron, while you do raise a number of angry points, not valid but angry, you fail to contribute much. You didn't say much, and you wasted a whole lot of time on stupid comments that were obviously not meant to be taken to heart.

1. Yes, Joey Jordinson is good. But what about the two guys hitting those "metal cans" which are actually beer kegs, and who also play real drums as well. How can they be considered very good, or necessary when, as you put it, Joey Jordinson is so much better?
2. Mr Brady was actually referring to concerts, where they do wear the masks, and as you said it makes them sound different. Mr. Brady said it makes them sound bad.
3. You both raise valid points. Down tuning guitars doesn't make you metal at all (country players use baritone quite often), yet it is a desired sound. Lets call it a draw and move on.
4. This was a stupid point.
5. Wearing masks DOES NOT and I NEVER makes people concentrate on your music over your appearance. How can they concentrate on your music when you're wearing a mask, which obviously ALTERS YOUR APPEARANCE.
6. While this is sometimes true, its not a rule. Its probably more wrong than write. Single guitarists HAVE to be more talented because there's only one of them. And it definitely doesn't work in slipknots case. Usually the two guitarists play the same part, effectively using two people to do the work of one. They most likely did this for the same reason they have 3 drummers. It gives more sound though, that is true, but not much in skill or originality.
7. I agree with you here.
8. Here too (I don't see what rap has to do with slipknot.
9. This is a moot point and is more up to the budget and taste of the band than any actual meter of skill.
10. Ok, that is a good point.
11. Here its divided. True, Slipknot is heavy and I suppose syncopated (though I didn't realized that was a necessity in metal) but they lack in the talent department. They have some decent riffs, but the music is often repetitive and leaves little to be sought after in the melodic department (especially when it comes to bass, which is rarely heard). It's a fact that certain Slipknot songs can be played with one finger of the left hand.

person

Some bands put on a show when the music isn't their strong point, and some bands put on a show to go with the music, you can decide either way depending on your tastes. Consider Alice Cooper, Lordi, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, Kiss, Behemoth and so on.
Anyway I mostly agree with Aaron, but it's a shame he felt the need to say dumbass repeatedly as it makes his argument seem less valid. Not to say I like Slipknot, I think perhaps they have 2 or 3 good songs... which isn't very impressive, but they are metal. Quality of music doesn't define genre, else there'd be many bands in the world who would have to be considered 'undefined'.

maggot

you are no one to decide who has or who has not earned the right to do this or that. Just because Joey does not always play what you might think a metal drummer needs to play like blast beats every bar, 32nd note double-bass every song, or riding the bell of the ride all the time, does not mean he is any less metal at all....his drumming style is a different approach to metal drumming....he adds more groove, which to me makes slipknot sound like they do. If you are going to talk about what a band does, you should research why the band does it first. They wear the mask, not to hide, but to show more of their personality to the crowd. Each mask reflects each members inner personality. the reason for two guitars is the same as the reason for the two additional drummers, to "fatten" out the sound give it more punch. Its not like the clown or chris help joey out by doing the fills,or doing the double bass patterns for him. All they do is play under the beat and add more punch to the 1,2,3,4. on occasion they play more over the beat much like a percussionist would with the higher tuned toms and beer kegs. To say that good drummers don't use percussionists is an ignorant statement. Not even the most talented drummers have 8 arms. They can't play a full kit and bongos and cowbells at the same time. So think of the sideways bass drums as the bongos, and the beer kegs as a cowbell, same thing. Try to be more open-minded and progressive in your thoughts as to what can be included a metal band and what can't. I think they are very talented and very unique in their sound and very thankful they don't sound like anyone else.

Kyle Brady

haha all this is very amusing to me.

And why all the interest all of a sudden?

--Kyle

maggot

because they are coming out with a new album.....

Max T

dont get me wrong, I love REAL METAL, but who who in their right mind would wear gay ass masks and smear fake blood all over the stage like its cool or somthing. Slipknot fans are certainly a breed apart, they remind me of faggot ass tool fans who think they are sweet just because "they are understanding the deeper meaning" BULL SHIT. no deeper meaning exists. and seriously, i saw them live with a friend in Louisiana, and they are a fuckin joke on stage, their fans are all fuckin queer ass cunts that should be kicked in the face, you know those people who walk in the room and everyone is like "oh fuck, i got to go" well its those twats that get amped off this gay music. FUCK SLIPKNOT .... its not Halloween last time I checked . they are not artists, they are fucking clowns.

Drew Nutter

Your argument was very logical and open minded; we are all very happy for your intelligent contribution. Thank you so much.

Kyle Brady

Thanks Drew.

A true light in the darkness.

--Kyle

Max T

I just saw that someone who posted before me said slipknots lyrics were "deep and intelligent"........... I had to post again simply to fuckin laugh at that GENIOUS statement. BLAAH !!!!! IM WEARING A MASK, I GUESS IM SCARY AND INTELLECTUAL TOO !!!!! Maybe im wrong, maybe it’s different because it’s coming from one bunch of faggot tools (slipknot) to another (fans). I bet they rock those masks in the club, I totally would. and then i would punch my self in the cornea for being so cool.

Drew Nutter

Your statement about genious statements was just genius. Random unsupported insults are always a great way to drive a point home; and spelling words like "genius" wrong always adds to your credibility, especially when you are using them sarcastically to question an individual's intelligence.

Drew Nutter

None of what you said really gives any evidence that Slipknot is either not talented, intelligent, or cannot make good music; all you really said was that you don't like their way of doing things. Its possible to be ugly, have stupid masks, pointless album titles, and come from Iowa (why that has any significance is beyond me) and still be good musicians. Having 3 drummers doesn't mean that you are compensating for a lack of skill, it is just as possible that it is just a combination of three talented drummers that are just going for an equally musical but more dense sound. It allows them to unleash their full music writing potential as they are not forced to limit it to the abilities of one drummer--no matter how good of a drummer you are you have limits. Having a lead, rhythm, and bass guitar is pretty normal, as well as having one singer--your criticism "How many singers? How many guitarists? Uh huh? Really?" doesn't really mean anything; but again, it follows the same pattern as the drummers. Slipknot definitely fits with your definition of Metal, an they have especially mastered, in comparison to other metal bands, "aggressive tempos, intricate and intense drumming, and aggressive vocals." That quote should be used in the definition of Slipknot. It is evident that this angry rant is a result of closed mindedness in your inability to comprehend something different from what you have become accustomed to with your immediate response being that of an angry criticism of how things are different rather than an understanding of why. Things can be different from the norm either because of an attempt to compensate or because of originality and an attempt to go beyond the greatness they would still achieve if they were only typical. I think you would find that most intelligent people that approach Slipknot openly would agree on the latter of those two.

Kyle Brady

At least it's a logical and sensible argument, instead of the usual random obscenities and angry people.

I won't go tit-for-tat here, but all of what I said does point to not being talented... within the scope of Slipknot. It doesn't always apply, but it happens to here.

Having a "rhythm section" like they do could turn out pretty cool, but when you analyze the individuals involved, the only one that comes out with real talent is Corey Taylor.

Also, I'd love to know of a band that wears masks that actually has talent, or even demonstrates that talent... GWAR is obviously not an example of this, and neither is Slipknot. True, there are metal/"metal" bands that don't wear masks and suck horribly, but I've yet to find one that *doesn't* hide behind a facade, using that as their "gimmick" instead of playing interesting or talented or truly original music.

However, for all the world knows, maybe all of their musicians are secretly virtuosos, and the guitarists just choose to play different variations of the same chord progressions without any difficult rhythms, fingerings, or runs. And maybe the drummers are truly on a Purtnoy level, and we just can't tell because they're too busy playing stereotypical shockrock beats.

--Kyle

p.s. If you didn't get it, which you didn't, I feel like I should point it out: I wrote this list with a little bit of "tongue in cheek". I really don't like Slipknot at all, but you should also know that this is approaching the subject from a perspective similar to "John Petrucci = talented, Frank Novinec = not ... Mike Purtnoy = talented, Brad Roberts = not ... Rob Halford = talented, Ronnie James Dio = annoying but slightly talented ... etc."

Dilbert

Mate feed kill repeat wasn't corey taylor, and you just insulted machine head, slayer, lamb of god and all sorts of other bands with your downtuned open string chugging bullshit, the masks are in the vain of mr bungle, kiss etc. Iowa is their hometown fuckhead, and how have you earned your right to play downtuned?? what gives someone that right, you dick, this aaron guy has the right idea, good job man

Kyle Brady

Nowhere in there did I mention Machine Head or Lamb of God. If you learn to read, I say that downtuning does not make you sound good or be talented. But not that downtuning is necessarily bad in and of itself. It all depends on what you do with it.

Slayer has no talent. And no one will debate me on that point.

You earn that right by learning to play the goddamn guitar, and not just banging the same five drop-tuned chords all the time. It's often called "skills", "talent" or "chops". You might want to do some research on them.

Once again, thanks for playing. I enjoy your random vehemence and utter lack of intelligent arguments.

--Kyle

Why Slipknot Sucks

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