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Old Content:

Thoughts from a Former Homeless Guy




I found this over on Craigslist (via Reddit), and I'm not sure how long "Best Of Craigslist" pieces stay up, so I thought I'd repost it for longevity's sake.  It's worth the read, very insightful on a base level.
I won't ramble too much. Most stories are the same. I just want to tell you what I notice now that I'm stable.

-- Here's me: At age 18 I was a drug mule and got busted on my first trip. My first time, but the amount (marijuana) was enormous and I got 4 years. First two years out, I had some bad luck with roommates; got robbed so much by my own roomies I had to move out but was then immediately hit by the back-rent no one paid. No one could be located except for -- guess who -- me.

-- I had the apartment's lawyers and the phone company chasing me for money. How'd you like to hire somone who has at least two garnishments you have to figure out for each paycheck? Also, would you like to lease an apartment to a guy who has an unpaid judgment from his last apartment? Don't forget the convicted felon part.

So, I was homeless for about 4 years until the manager of a car dealership took a chance on me and now I am the manager of our detailing department.

Okay, so what are the things that I really appreciate?

-- Light switches: In a shelter, lights come on, lights come off and you have no say. The ability to control your own lighting is a big deal.

-- Access to toilets: Ever hear someone mention how those 'disgusting' homeless guys pee outside? Where else should we? The search for a place to relieve yourself is a constant problem when you are on the streets.

-- Weather: I don't pay much attention to weather anymore. On the streets, weather is your life. A homeless guy rummaging for newspapers only wants one section, the weather report. If you can read, and you know the weather, you will have every dude you know asking what is coming.

-- Clean water: Are you impressed with the cleanliness of your average gas station restroom? How'd you like to drink from that sink?

-- Not losing things: Homeless shelters are life-savers in bad weather, but they are also a guarrantee that you will lose all your stuff. Either it's stolen while you sleep, or the shelter staff told you you have to leave it outside. Secret hiding places never are.

-- Night fear: You never stop being afraid of being outside at night. Think it's scary to have a breakdown at night? Someone gets mad, gets drunk or gets mean, you are going to be the first person they find.

-- Internet: I am now an internet addict. I got arrested in 1997 and I barely heard of the net back then. When I got my job in 2005, I got sent to a computer class right away. When I got my own place six months ago, I went all out and got my own computer plus an internet line. It is like magic. I cannot get enough of it.

-- Health Care Fear: Did you hear about that Bumfights video? It's BS! No homeless guys are going to fight. We never fight each other because everyone is afraid of getting hurt. You hear about guys who sprain their ankle and then die because they couldn't move for two weeks. Or, you hear about a guy who cuts his arm and his arm swells up the size of his leg. Little injuries kill. I was always terrified of getting hurt because of that.

-- The Looks: I admit, I got used to the looks from people in the real world. I kept a pretty clean appearance but people can always tell when you are in the 7-11 just to warm up or kill time. I never minded the looks. Didn't really care, not sure why.

-- Girls: I still have not solved the girlfriend riddle, but I love talking to ladies when they come pick up their car and see that we made it look like new. Seeing a woman's smile is nice. When a woman smiles AT you, its like nothing else in the world.


Old Content posts are leftovers from a less structured, less civilzed era that are kept for posterity.
Kyle can be found on Twitter and MySpace, or reached via email.

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  • LordTonyJudgement
    Erm yeah... guys obviously a loser, biggest loss that car dealership ever made... and on top of that, he looks clean but you can still tell he's homeless?! There has never been a more deserving candidate for those glorious five letters T-R-A-M-P


    P.S. Smelly is a six letter word.
  • NotAJerkLikeGuyAbove
    YEA!!!!!!!no.
    This guy actually got back on his feet and is now a hardworking man, I feel bad for the guy as a kid who after doing his time was still robed. If anything I'd say you're the waste for space. So Mr. Former Homeless Guy good job, don't let people like this jerk try to throw you into the gutter, well again anyway.
  • it doesntreallymatter
    haha dirtbags like tony here don't seem to realize that their luck can run out on their housing or even on their lives, i don't think i need to tell you this but don't listen to Cacks like him. good job man your an inspiration, you probably value your days a lot more than the average dude. why be sad when you could be dead? your story is hard for most people to imagine. The craziest part is how bad it would be to even get a small injury, this is humbling
  • Betterthantonyineveryaspect
    Erm yeah... Tony is obviously a loser, biggest loss his mother ever made... and on top of that that, he looks normal but you can still tell he's a wanker?! There has never been a more deserving candidate for those glorious five letters P - R- I - C - K


    P.S. Idiot is a five lette word.
  • Matt
    Mr. Un-Homeless / Home-ful Dude:

    First of all, if you ever read this, welcome to the Internet!

    Long story short I had (I've since moved on) a female fundamentalist Christian coworker who said a lot of wacky things such as: women shouldn't be in positions of power over men, minors should be eligible for the death penalty, humans are not apes, and homeless people choose to stay homeless in order to shrug off responsibility.

    Could you please address that last claim? Did you ever meet anyone who was fine being homeless and wanted to stay that way for the foreseeable future?
  • penfold
    i really like this peice. there's a nice simplicty to its form and the tone is just right. very zen.

    i loved the joy of the internet - looking back to the early nineties you can appreciate how far we've come, nice to be reminded of that.

    great spot.

    lordtonyjudgement, was your post meant to be ironic and funny, and if not do you find the penis growing out of your forehead prevents you getting many girls?
  • viv
    you're awesome
  • jono
    has anyone ever found themselves not being able to pay the rent, losing a job, having your money and or passport stolen in a forign country, or getting into some situation where you have to make a phonecall and get your parents or family or whoever to bail you out of it? imagine not being able to make that phonecall because theres nobody to call? so youre on the street and you dont know anyone who can help you out, after a couple of days strangers wont even tell you what time it is. youve fallen below the poverty line and below the radar, it takes a lot of hard work and luck to get back above, and remember, the longer your under the harder it gets.
  • Torrentvyper
    Tony is the perfect candidate for sume humbling by Karma. I deal with 'street people' every day and some of the stories are heartbreaking .. . but what is most profound is that there are jerks in the 'real world' as well as on 'the streets'. I have met many homeless guys like Tony with his exact attitude about people. Some live on this planet and some don't. Tony, however, will fall into the class that fools themselves into thinking that the world f(&*%#d them over and they are owed ... what? ... an apology and money for time lost? Tony, judgement is on the way, believe it. What you have now will easily be taken away by the most surprising circumstances in a very short amount of time. Nothing is forever and we are all bound by chance.
  • Dennard
    This is pretty cool. Gives you a different perspective.
  • Steve
    yeah tony little penis sounds like the dirt bags on wall street who put oour economy in a death spiral. Feeling entitled and smugly superior doesn't make you so. Some homeless people have mental disorders and choose to live in their altered states because it's familiar. My brother was an IV drug user that became schizophrenic from it. He used to wander the streets occasionally coming back to see my mom. We always tried to help him but he didn't want the structured life our help brought. Eventually he accepted help and got on medication and was living a fairly normal life till his "Friends" convinced him that he didn't need his meds and would be ok without them. He walked out in front of a car on an interstate off ramp one night and was killed. Homeless and street people are still someones brother sister son or daughter and deserve to be treated as such. In this economy you too could be looking for shelter in a very short amount of time, how would you want to be treated?
  • Josh
    Even Christ was homeless for three years buddy so I think you're off to a good start, good luck with things and keep your head up no matter what this world throws at you.
  • clint
    I find it sad that some of the people who commented are so closed minded. Because someone is homeless does not mean they are worthless - they still have worth, they just lack a home. I was homeless for a couple of years until around 18 months ago, now I work at a design agency and deal with some of the biggest companies in the UK. So for all the open minded readers out there - not all homeless people are drug addicted rejects - some of us really are legitimately trying to sort things out - but also be wary, a lot of them are.

    Oh, yeah, I was accepted into Oxford University too. Who would have thought a homeless person couldn't have a brain.
  • Laurel
    You are a sweetheart who made some bad choices. Chin up. Hugs, L
  • Sggird212
    why does everyone think all of the sudden their better than another person, on the internet no less. Lordjudgement is a prick and invariably will end up homless one day.
  • Sggird212
    ohh, writing a book would be a cool idea, id read it.
  • Shelly
    Bills comment
    That you should drink out of a bottle. I believe that this comment would only be made by a small minded git.

    Bottles that you would find on the street, would be dirty and have lots of nasty bacteria on them.
    Then you have to find a shelter with medical facilities, etc
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