Expose:
Why Not To Participate In Online Gift Exchanges
December 13, 2009 by Kyle BradyTags: bspoka, Childish Reaction, Christmas, Fail, Harassment, kickme444, Reddit, redditgifts, Secret Santa
As required by the FTC, a Full Disclosure is available - this piece adheres to the Code of Ethics
I received bpsoka as my secret Santee, and his present qualifications said “no bobcats”, which I automatically assumed was a poke at me to see what I’d do – these are redditors, after all. I decided to send him a response to his prodding, and put together an evil bobcat Santa picture that I signed, dated, and gave my username on, pretending that it was classy enough to be framed. Then I put it, along with some red and green paperclips, into the envelope and sent it away.
His reaction has been explosive and childish – not only did he fail to see the connection between the picture and what he had told me via his present description, but when he complained about it the only detail he mentioned was the four paperclips. After other members began lamenting this with him, I was contacted by kickme444, the organizer of the project, who badgered me via IM (loudenwain on AIM) for being a horrible person, apparently ruining someone’s lonely Christmas, and saying that I should send another present - one repeated claim was that the gift was supposed to be $15 in value, which was only a suggestion, not a requirement. Even though I explained the situation clearly to him multiple times, he didn’t care and started telling me I was being “offensive” when I started to get angry with his obstinate ignorance. I told him I’d send another one, and to leave me alone.
But I had a busy week last week, and didn’t have a chance until yesterday (12/12/2009) to look through all the comments on the redditgifts page, and really think about this. After some thought and investigation, I decided I wasn’t sending another gift – Christmas is not an “I’m upset, send me another!” time, and since this was a joke present in response to his own actions, it’s not my fault he didn’t understand or appreciate it. I posted this on the redditgifts thread, identifying myself, and messaged kickme444 and bspoka to let them know what was going on, trying to be even-toned, rational, and mature about this.
It appears, however, that no-one else is interested in behaving properly.
Since then, kickme444 has taken to harassing me via reddit messages (which would ruin his image if I posted them publicly), I was banned from the subreddit (despite never participating or intending to), and people have begun responding to my posting on the gift’s complaint page. Even more curious is that all of my recent submissions and comments are being massively downvoted by people who apparently sympathize with the whiny individual I sent a gift to – this started last night a few hours after identifying myself, and is continuing as of writing this. And not once have I been contacted by bspoka himself.
What began as something fun has now turned into a demonic circus where I’m being persecuted for being exactly what a redditor is – someone who appreciates humor and stands by their principles. If I would have received a present like I sent, after making comments like “no bobcats”, I would have laughed for days. To the even greater fury of the masses, I refuse to bow to the demands for another present because that is not the spirit of the event, and since my gift was not intended to be malicious or disappointing, I do not take responsibility for his reaction.
reddit is occasionally a vicious place, but this reaction is ridiculous – I identified myself to help smooth over the situation and explain what was really going on, and have instead become a target for some overzealous Christian Crusaders. This whole situation has been one failing after another, beginning with kickme444’s intervention and reaction to the situation, and has only gotten worse.
As I told kickme444, I will not be participating again – I have better things to do than deal with drama queen children.
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Update (12/13/2009 1:40pm PST): a thread has been started by wildeye for the singular purpose of mobilizing a groupthink against me and bragging about their malicious actions - no surprise there.
Update (12/13/2009 6:30pm PST): to all the self-righteous - the continued heckling via email, reddit messages, and comment threads, not to mention massive coordinated downvoting of everything of mine on reddit, is not going to change anything. Your actions, along with the initial one from bspoka, have long since convinced me that even if I should have sent another gift, I won't be - you don't reward a dog with rabies for biting you.
Update (12/13/2009 6:40pm PST): I just got a message from user xerograde that shows the duality of this angry mob:
Hey man, You are probably getting swarmed with stupid mail right now, but I gotta say this was blown way outta proportion. I think the stupidest thing is that I got trolled with a cow poster; I showed some disappointment and reddit got angry that I didn't appreciate it its 'uniqueness.' Meanwhile your secret santee gets trolled with paper clips/bobcat pic and reddit asks for you head. I guess you just can't win man.
Update (12/13/2009 7:35pm PST): kickme444 helpfully unbanned me, and I made a last-ditch request for sanity to return.
Update (12/13/2009 9:35pm PST): my attempt at reason failed in less than two hours, and I'm now have negative comment karma thanks to all the downvoting of everything related to me - I was at 200-something for comments before this all started.
Update (12/20/2009 9:45am EST): After a week of laying low and not commenting on any of the drama, my account was still being attacked. No matter where I went to comment on items (I tried a few), there were people that stalked my account and downvoted everything - some even chose to harass me publicly while doing so. I've since deleted the account and created a new one that I will be using from now - named publicly at a later date after people forget about this.
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Documentation
IM Chat Sample with kickme44:
loudenwain: well look. There were rules printed that so far, 900 people read and understood
loudenwain: the average price per gift has been just over $30
loudenwain: and your gift came in at 75 cents
...
loudenwain: you are arguing with me
AIM: and if people are going above and beyond, i'm not responsible with that
AIM: *for
AIM: i'm not arguing with you, but i'm telling you that it's not my fault
AIM: i'll play into his hurt little fantasy
AIM: but not because i agree
loudenwain: hrm, you do actually sound a bit like a troll.
loudenwain: did you read the rules?
...
loudenwain: you are really offending me. do you know that i am not getting paid for any of this?
loudenwain: you obviously do not understand the spirit of this project
Message to kickme444, bspoka, and the public:
Dear everyone,
I'm his secret santa. kickme444 contacted me last week and misinterpreted the entire situation, even after explaining twice, and attempted to shame me into sending another present - he even called me "offensive" when I started getting pissed off at his approach to the situation.
But I've had time to think about this, and I'm not sending anything else.
The full explanation can be found in the message I just sent to kickme444:
So I've had a crazy week with the semester ending, and I've finally had time to think about "the situation", including reading through the gift received page properly.
And I've decided I'm not doing anything, despite your attempts to shame me into doing so.
Like other users have said, without my prompting, this was intended as a joke - paperclips, evil bobcat santa, and whatever else it was that I put in. If he wants to whine about it, that's fine, but I see no need to make a second effort because he demands it.
Despite his reaction, he prompted this by saying "no bobcats" in his description section of the gift. Naturally, I assumed he was prodding me, and since he's a redditor, I figured he could appreciate a good, random joke.
As to not knowing who I am, I'm not sure how that's possible... I signed and dated the bobcat santa picture (as if he could frame it) and included my reddit username on there, as well as my full name. I could have easily been found rather than him making a big deal out of this and choosing to smear someone he didn't bother to contact properly for the sympathy of random strangers.
If I received something as random as this, especially after prodding them, I would have laughed very, very hard. Apparently he not only didn't get the fact that it was a joke, but doesn't understand the point of gift giving - you don't make demands, and you get what you get.
Sometimes it's a joke present you don't entirely understand, and you have to live with it. This is one of those times.
--Kyle
Kyle can be found on Twitter and MySpace, or reached via email.
